Enigmatic Moments...

She dragged herself in the howling winds. Darkness was her only friend. And there! There it was! A flickering lamp right across the field, coming closer bit by bit, and to her surprise the lamp was in the hands of a very charming young man on his horse. She shouted for help and he noticed her,he saw a classic Spanish beauty. A tall, slim lady with curly brown hair and black eyes, in a blue gown which was torn around her knees and had mud all over, she appeared tired and hungry and had few fresh bruises on her body. He asked, “What happened to you? What are you doing out in this dark?” She tried to speak but she collapsed instead. Very puzzled, the man decided to take the lady to his house. Few minutes later the lady woke up; it felt surreal to her, like she’d woken from a bad dream. She prayed that it was a dream but to her ill fate, it wasn’t. She saw a maid who was cleaning her wound, she asked, “where am I?” the maid said, “Prince Ruth, found you in the sunflower fields, you were hurt and you fell unconscious.” Interrupting the maid she asked, “He was a king!? Where is he? Is this his palace?”, the maid replied, “ yes he is a king, King of Ireland and this is his palace, we’re asked to take care of you, you must sleep now, you need rest” , the maid said while walking out of the room. Soon the lady left the room in search of the prince. She walked from the extravagant corridor but couldn’t find the prince; she then noticed a very beautiful garden and saw Prince Ruth, meditating there. He looked enchanting, she was smitten. She feared disturbing him but he felt her presence and he smiled, she couldn’t say anything but said “usted me salvó la vida, Te amo”, Ruth failed to understand and asked, “What? Just say that one more time.” he said. She smiled and walked away.

Post Blasts, a blasting MIND

So there is another serial blast in Bombay. And suddenly everyone seems so worried about everyone else. Good thing. Appreciate it. BUT what I fail to understand or accept is that, when everything is fine, life is normal, you don’t feel the same for others.

Why is it that, something has to terribly go wrong for YOU to value people? What kind of behavior is this? Why are you so empathetic towards other on the days of blasts, floods?? Or why are you so bothered about someone just in their hard times?

If you don’t care about someone genuinely, whether or not they are okay on a day like today or any other day for that matter, shouldn’t matter to you at all. And what is with this entire SPIRIT OF MUMBAI?? Aren’t you human enough to help someone who is dying? Who is bleeding all their blood out? Then where does this “spirit of Mumbai” come from? It is just BEING HUMAN, get out of the fancy thought bubbles people, its overestimating what you do(which is very little, anyway).

If you aren’t nice to others normally, you don’t need to bother about them on an unfortunate day and pretend to be a nice person, because honestly and personally speaking, i’d like a person whos honest and careless, than a person who gives a damn totally but acts all worked up for me. I am not a 5 year old child to get carried away with your 5 minute sweet talk.

Do not forget that at the end we have MORE normal days than bad. If you did your part of being a good person, someone that is helpful and thoughtful towards others on regular days, made someone smile just about anyone, EVERYDAY. You’d be a gem for me, i’d like to hold on to, for lifetime. But how many of this type EXIST? I don’t claim to be one of them but i surely DO NOT FAKE being bothered.

I understood one thing about myself today, each time something like this happens, a sense of fear of losing someone you are deeply attached to, I begin to think how i take them for granted and how unpredictable life is, you don’t know who will be alive tomorrow and the funny thing is, days like today make me a better person and i choose my words carefully and i handle my relations with utmost care. But again what I am trying to convey is that WHY CANT everyone feel this way? Why can everyone be honest about what they feel, express it freely, be it negative or positive but just HONEST. Be better people and make this shithole of a place that we’re living in, a place that is worthwhile.


14th july 2011, 2:15 AM

P.s- This note helps me vent my fears and anxiety (courtesy the Blasts.)

Mr. Over smart Interviewer

To begin with, I am a “student”. Only difference between a normal student and me is that, I am a lot wasted. I have lectures and projects but in spite of all that I have a lot of free time. I wanted to take up a job or some activity to keep myself busy and spend my time constructively. And since I reside in Andheri (east), one hell of a place. Actual “HELL”.

Hell, where you don’t have enough place to walk.

Hell, where there is no rickshaw rides (you’ll be a lucky ONE in hundreds to get a rick and that luck is not with you EVERYDAY)

Hell, where I guess there are NO ACTIVITIES too.

So, keeping all of this in mind I thought I should take up a job. More like a part time job. But again there was a hurdle. Who gives a part time job to a fresher? And I was in no mood to meet people for getting rejected over something so trivial like this. So I thought I should probably wait for some more time and then take up a job. Suddenly one morning I had a mail, a job opening at this start up company. And a real cool one I thought. The person was ready to be flexible. Was even okay with me working from home, since his office was also from home. And apparently he wasn’t interested in seeing my face but my quality and timely work. I had no second thought and I was all geared up for my interview. And then I get the venue for my interview, his House. This is when I got to know that his office is his house. (Tough task in Mumbai you see). And my dad was not at all happy with me meeting a man alone at his house. I completely understood his parental concerns and I assured him that everything is in black and white and that this guy is up to nothing mischievous.

I land at his house, exactly at the time he asked me to drop in. His assistant opens the door and he made me sit. The guy took around 30 mins to come out. God knows what he was involved with. Anyway, so there i was , reading a debut novel by some Indian girl and i manged to finish it too. It was just about 16 pages, quite a cliché read but nonetheless it helped me pass my time.

Finally, the man enters. Freshly bathed, sits across me. The first thing he asked me was, “can I smoke?”, and I dint quite know what to say so i said okay go ahead and smoke thinking he will just smoke one cigarette and I also appreciated that he had the basic manners to ask me. And there my “interview” started. I handed over my CV for him to look at and even before reading, the FIRST thing he says is, you don’t really fit the post you have applied for. And there I was, sitting confused whether to be sad or abuse him for all the troubles I underwent to reach at his place, which was new for me and not at all close to where I live. However, he had a lot to talk, show, discuss. I thought in my mind that it is okay since I wasn’t really in need of a job.

By this time his smoke was over and he lit one more, which kind of added to my pissed off mind. The next thing was this strange test he wanted to do on me. He kept around 7-8 magazines in front of me and asked me to pick a magazine, which I‘d read in my free time. I picked one and then he asked me to order all of them in my order of preference. I did that too. It was quite interesting, though he dint tell me what he thought of my selections.

Anyways so after that we were talking again and he gave me an idea about what he was into. All that he told me was a little too much to be real for me but again I thought maybe I am very lucky to meet a genius who could actually have this all for REAL! He went on and on and on. And suddenly he asked me about my dad’s reaction to the venue of this interview, i.e. his house. And I told him how my daddy was hesitant to send me alone. ONE, because this guy has no website that shows what he is into (but I told my dad that it’s a start up and they can’t really have websites) and TWO, because the office is at his house which according to my dad, who is a government officer, is problematic thing with societies in Mumbai. Smoke number two was also over, followed by the third smoke. (Added a little more to my anger and also an acute headache which had occurred due to his small room full of smoke)

Looks like this honesty dint go down well with him and there the actual “interview” started or will it be better if I say, he started taking my case. On hearing my dad’s reaction he told me that if I dint agree to show up at his house for the interview I wasn’t in his words, “my type of a girl”, a highly offensive thing to say to a girl. I don’t know what he”meant” by this but I chose to assume he meant I wasn’t open-minded enough. Then he asked me about my salary expectation. I quoted a figure (based on my ground research that I did, by speaking with a few friends and my professors at college). And he raised his eyebrows and came down to more than half of what I asked for with a long explanation. This was the point in my interview, where I decided to not work with him.

The funniest thing was when he spoke about O&M. He told me how O&M has interns slogging their asses off for FREE. He completely tried raping O&M’s reputation so that he could convince me to take up his offer. But I said something he dint expect, mainly because I was blown away with the fact he’s trying to compare his non existing firm with an insanely well established O&M, which is a brand for itself. I said, “if I was given an opportunity to work with O&M as an intern for few months and for absolutely no return, I wouldn’t mind doing at all because O&M is a huge show on my CV” and I think I said this a bit too confidently, a confidence which perhaps looked like overconfidence to him. And he there he picked on me once again. He told me flat on my face that O&M won’t take me in. I really don’t know why he said that and I really dint care much to ask him about it. Smoke number three is now over followed by the fourth one and my throbbing head.

Maybe by now he realized I am not convinced and he should try something else. So he asked me to check his work. I sat browsing through his work and the most irritating thing here was he kept cross checking if I understood his concepts. Some of them were vague and some of them were not even concept enough. Then he showed me a presentation about his firm and he read out each and every slide to me and after every slide he had a question for me, cross checking if I was paying attention or understanding all that. Luckily for me his presentation dint have too many slides. But at the end of all this he shocked me when he said, “looks like I will have to teach you how to appreciate other people’s creativity” and This was sadly not the end of showing off his work, he opened another folder full of “campaigns” and to avoid his cross checking and shit advices on leaning appreciating other people’s creativity and all that jazz, I began faking compliments on things I found boring than a black and white news paper.

After all this he asked me about what I like to read and I named few of my chic authors, none of which he was aware of and I don’t blame him for that. He would be gay if he had read any of those books. But what I dint like was, his judgment about my choice of the topics that I read. Which made me tell him that I read other things too and I named him few authors every tom, dick and harry knows. SHOULD KNOW.

Chetan Bhagat, another point to pick. “Oh god please, Chetan bhagat is such a useless author. I am writing 3 books simultaneously and you should read them. I will be better than him. My work will show you”, hahahahahah how badly I wanted to laugh my ass off but I dint want him to end up being embarrassed. He appeared like a donkey in my head and all my anger had vanished. This interview was turning out to be a comedy show. Then I asked him about his book. When will it be out and if he has found a publisher for his book. And I found a new height of shamelessness in him, when he told me he will publish his own book. But then I said to myself that it is okay, he’s just a poor victim of overrated self efficaciousness. Here, Chetan Bhagat is over just like his smoke number four. And god was kind because he did NOT light his fifth smoke! But still I had an aching head and his brags were only adding to my frustration!

Robin Sharma was another name that I had mentioned which led Mr. Interviewer to grill me again. “Philosophy haan? I also read philosophy. A lot of it”, he said and took me to this book shelf, in one corner of that room. It had about 70 books and a section of it was, well Philosophy. About 10-12 book and he asked me to pick which I’d already read. Luckily there were 2 books I’d read out of those 10-12 books! And come-on it’s a very good thing. There are millions of books on philosophy and he has jus a handful of them out of which I had read 2 books. But he wasn’t happy because I didn’t pick Gitanjali by Rabindranath Tagore. And he started talking of how naive I was. This made me see his irrationality. I’d pulled out a book which now had to placed back on the shelf and I did it very carefully so I don’t cause the fall of all those books in his sacred library. But Mr. Drama king had to make a scene about this too, why will he leave any opportunity to show me down. He asked me to be careful, which I was. But he again took the book out and placed it again. I was standing just behind him and like a small child I had my head nodding with my eyes narrowed and tongue out, teasing his back. That’s how badly I was being harrowed at his house-cum-office-cum-brag destination.

The interview was almost coming to an end and he asked me, “so you are joining me form Monday, right?”, but excuse me, I dint fit the bill of the post I applied for. I asked for something he wasn’t paying me and then after all the long hours of criticizing me he asked me to join him but for how much and as WHAT? I asked him sweetly what I am going to join as. And he says, “Since I am starting up and you are also starting your career with me(YEAH RIGHT, with you not even in my nightmare) so I want you to learn by contributing in everything.” Hahahahaha my mind again thought and laughed. Who does he think he is fooling? I should slog, do everything and hear all his shit. YEAH sure! But I had to know how much will he offer me and as expected he said a shit amount, “My maid earns more than that” was the FIRST thought that popped in my head and I said I will let him know in a day’s time.

After a long duration of bring tortured, traumatized, taunted, criticized and pulled down. I felt drained and depressed of even having met him. I wanted to run home and make myself happy! Just when I was about to get up and say a PERMANENT BYE to him (because I was and still AM sure I will never meet him ever in my life, haha), he dropped a bomb bigger than the ones which had been dropped Hiroshima-Nagasaki. He asked me for a coffee. WHAT? A “coffee”, after that kind of humiliation! He had to be kidding but he wasn’t. And I declined it by saying I had to meet some friends and I was already running late.

THANK GOD IT WAS ALL OVER!!! And I got out of there without a heart or head failure! I returned home and mailed him the next day, declining the job offer. I dint quite think it was important for me to give him a reason. He replied to my mail and had the guts to ask me if it is only the money OR something else. I chose to ignore him and his mail. COMPLETELY.

AFTEREFFECTS: On my way back home and for two- three more days after the unlucky day. I thought and re-thought if at all I was so bad and insignificant. It was his hollow confidence and the harsh words that he slammed on my face which got me thinking about myself and I whole heartedly thank him for that. He led me to a great introspection. My conclusion about myself was clearer than ever. But a thing I understood was I should not get bogged down by such people because they are in plenty and I have learnt another lesson about this Mister Smart interviewer, His strategy with me was to make me feel insignificant, useless and totally unskilled, then oblige me by hiring me for dirt cheap.

A very smart strategy for taking innocent, naive people for a ride. But I am proud for being a little smarter than the man himself to clearly understand what he was up to.

The Best to make it worst- WORDS

Words flow jus so quick. EASY.
Something we mean something they thought we meant.

Words are not clear. VAGUE.
Something we mean. Something they Literally meant

Words start relations, ends relations. SMOOTH
Something started the meaning. Something changed the Meaning.

Words are the beginning of our life… beginning of so many things…
But it is the very same word that puts an end to things and relations.

One of the common examples of words at its best... And its worst
It is a WORD that a child says for the first time and gives its mom the best moment.. n the same child when grows up, uses the same words in a mean way to hurt his parents... and again uses a combination of words to justify his unruly ways.."GENERATION GAP"


There is no bigger weapon than your own said words and there is no bigger art than, to play wit words, twist and turn them and use the very same words to distort the entire meaning of it.

“LANGUAGE HAS NO BARRIERS”…..Very well said.

But the guy who said it forgot to add something in the end… “For first few days”..
so it should be..” language has no barriers for the first few days”… because the so called WORD which makes a language … start acting their BEST TO MAKE IT WORST and totally mess it up and when there is nothing left to talk, who needs these words or a language?

I can go on with my, call it –perception, observation, understanding, opinion etc ABOUT words… but agree or not…. It is the way it is today.

-UPASANA SHARMA

Life. As i see it.

We walk in life n meet many,
Many we like many we don’t.
Many we carry forward many we don’t
It is you, who decides who to take forward,
It is you, who shapes the future,
Future of the relation you share with a person.
Anything goes wrong, don’t blame them.
Blame yourself. Analyze the past.
Your words and deeds.
That person might have said and done something too.
But you need to learn from the bitter, for better.
The better for your life.
And not justify and fight to prove yourself right.
Because when that is what you do. You forget.
You forget everything and don’t learn,
Life is a ride and you have to ride along.
It is life, it moves on.

The ups and downs are just a part.
Don’t let them upset you,
Welcome both with a smile, that’s life.
Don’t count friends because it never is the truth.
It will only disappoint you.
Don’t count enemies because it is the truth.
I will surely disappoint you.
Now as I write this, I have a few in my mind.
Some I regret, some I don’t.
Some I want, some I don’t.
Some I miss, some I don’t.
Life is a ride and you have to ride along.
It is life, it moves on.

We all are only humans,
Just not perfect.
I am not, you were not.
Then why expect?
And when you expect, it’s a risk.
Risk it if you are bold and strong.
Because 9/10, it is not what you expected.
Are you brave enough?
Brave to face the unwanted?
Brave to face the unwelcomed?
Well in my case, m only 20.
And life is long.
I’m happy I learnt.
The lesson is priceless and now I know,
Life is a ride and you have to ride along.
It is life, it moves on.

-UPASANA SHARMA

Psycho Bastard

A filthy psycho bastard that you are. It’s a horror to think about what you are and what you do. You don’t deserve to live. Life is all about lust to you. People like you leave many a reason less scar, something they don’t deserve but you do, right on your uncontrollable horny tool.

You bitch deserve to die painfully. Burn in hell. Boiled in oil. Every part of your body may feel a strong slit of blade. A million rounds of the same torture to you.

You frustrated motherfucker, the world is unsafe for gals like me, thanks to you. You loser with a mind full of cheap desires. Go find a whore for yourself or a free skank because your a fucking jobless pervert, who cannot afford a fee charging slut. Why cause damage to innocent girls… turning their life into a living hell… the trauma you gift us gals is nothing less than making an angel cry. You will pay for this one day. Your source of pleasure will be dead n that will be the end of your life because you use that one very same part of your dirty body to SEE, HEAR, TOUCH, THINK, FEEL….

I will pray every day of my life FoR your ill fate. You sex maniac, your end is nearing. Wait n watch your end…yourself to be chopped into a million pieces.

*spit of on your ugly face, You EVE-fukin-TEASER*

A "movie" i saw in my dreams!

It was a day, not near the best
We met, for one last time as "one".
It was a clear day. Bright and sunny,
but i could see nothing.
Big tear drops , in my eye i held.
Hoping they wont roll down my cheeks,
yet some did while some did not.
I suffered a war within.
My mind was trying to decide and my heart wouldn't let it.
My mind knew the right,but the right wasn't right enough for my heart.
Still, the mind had to win since it had the capability to think.
My poor heart broke, because it was stupid and couldn't decide well.
But i still let my heart decide few years ago.
The decision which came to an end that day.
At the end of the day, i heard a song.
"All good things come to an end" by Nelly Furtado.
and i laughed. I felt a slap that my ipod gave me.
It felt like a movie. So dramatic and evil.
Vamp being the end of a "good thing",
and I, I was the owner of a broken heart and guess what
Few songs later i hear the great classic
"Owner of a lonely heart" by Yes.
Slap number two. The song to which i jumped once
I hated now. My cheek turned red.
In my bed at 3 a.m ,i am shocked if i really got slapped.
It wasn't funny at all then. But i laughed.
I reasoned and i reasoned a little more.
I was trying to console myself and my "lonely" heart.
My mind only cursed my heart but my heart was in a thousand pieces,
to give a fuck about what the mind had to say.
I was in bed, and i felt like trapped in two bodies.
one with a mind and the other with few thousand pieces of my heart.
And when this funny thought crossed my mind, I again laughed.
While ending "the good things", thought i will never smile.
and only cry, for a while.
But i am shocked at how much i am laughing instead.
And finally i fall asleep, BUT the last song i heard was
"Fuck You"by Lily Allen.
Oh My GOD!!And i fell asleep singing and thinking of "YOU" ,
Each time i sang along and said fuck "YOU".

~~~~ 9 a.m next day, My alarm goes on~~~~


I am smiling thinking of the dream i had early in the morning and trying to look for my cellphone.
I had to shut the dam alarm!! AND i hear the ALARM carefully, hahahahaa my Alarm tone was a SONG!
The song was "GONE" by Switchfoot. and i connected this song to my dream and all the wonderful songs that i heard and it was PERFECT.

I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF! Then and throughout the day. And as i write this note, I laugh a little more!!
:):):) !!!

I am hearing music along with writing this and the song is "Shiney Happy People", by REM.
And i think this is best life. Have tragedy but in Dreams and LAUGH at it when you wake up!